The standard of beauty!

My struggle to look "perfectly" beautiful started in the age of three.Since my childhood I never bothered about the way I look but few things were really annoying even for a child; such as - "We don't have dress for her size!", "Don't eat much!" "Do yoga!" "Do skipping!" etc.In the age of 10, I got specs. My mother was worried. That would ruin my "BEAUTY". My eyes would look small. In high school, my "crush" rejected me just because I was over weight! 

Then in the age of seventeen when I went to the college, the condition was even worse. You had to pass all the parameters of beauty to get included in the list of "Human being". Unfortunately they didn't include me. My merit wasn't a big issue. The biggest drawback was my "Imperfect" body. I wasn't a popular girl in college (Obviously). The major reason was the list of my admirer was ZERO. I never bothered. 

The condition was worst after few years when my parents decided to search for a "suitable" groom for me. Despite of so many attempts in Civil Service examination I faced failure and just like any other parents my parents also decided to hand over my burden on someone else who could  bear my expenses. I announced rebellion against them because I really wanted to search my real destination and my potential. Of course that was not "Marriage" at all. At least not for me. I didn't have any other way except sitting  back and enjoy. 

My mother forcefully opened a matrimonial account to search for a "potential" partner for me. I am  not mentioning the other criterias like "Caste" "Gaan", "Kul", "Gotra", "Kundali matching" etc  because our topic is something else. Mom didn't mention in the profile how the groom should look but she mentioned 

"Looking for a potential partner for a "Beautiful,"  "fair"  and "young" girl. "

 Groom's look didn't matter because "Boys are valuable diamonds" and my qualities were just to be "FAIR" "Beautiful" and "Young".After few months when she was highly disappointed, she started going through the news paper Sunday Matrimonial column. 

"Looking for a "FAIR", "BEAUTIFUL" , "SLIM", "TALL" " YOUNG", EDUCATED , "HOMELY" GIRL". Everyone's demand was the same. It didn't matter how the man looks like. He can be "DARK", "BALD", "FAT" whatever. The girl should look like a "Victortia's secrect model" who will stay inside the kitchen,cook for you and you can show her to the society and brag. Sometimes it felt like "Buying clothes", "Buying meat/fish". Everything has to be PERFECT! I remember one of the aspirant grooms showed me a picture of an actress and asked me to be like her. It was his condition before marriage. One of those told me to go for "Laser surgery" to look good without specs.  

Finally I got married after crossing the "SOCIAL MARRIAGEABLE AGE" (The certain age limit which our society fixed). I wasn't "Young" anymore. My husband wasn't bothered about my age, "Overweight" body, specs and the other flaws. Thank God I didn't have any "Admirer" in college otherwise how would I get this man! 

Jokes apart !  After marriage when I went to a function, one of the aunties teased me and humiliated.My make up was perfect, my dress was beautiful and everything else was just okay (According to me). She was continuously trying to make me feel how imperfect I am. "She will never be slim", "She is like a teddy bear", "Make up and good skin don't matter until you have a perfect body", "That day I met a model, she was the perfect example of "BEAUTY"- A diva with a perfect slim body!" OMG!

Even in many cases I have heard people telling-" His daughter in law is very ugly! She is dark like hell"; "Have you seen the nose of the bride? How small!" "Her daughter is so short like a dwarf"; Modelling agencies , film and television industry and photographers want a woman with a perfect body. If you can't match the "EUROPEAN STANDARD" of beauty, you are not at all beautiful!

Ladies and Gentlemen please give me a break! 

What is the "Definition of beauty?" 

How did India get so obsessed with thinness?

Ans:- Bollywood which has been primary cultural influencer for women's ideal body standards,grew steadily. In 50s' and 60s' actresses were appreciated for their facial beauty and they weren't obsessed with thinness.  Eventually the sexualised beauty ideals of the west and the global pop culture finally reached India after economic reforms in 1991.Foreign companies like Revlon, Lo'real etc created a huge impact on the standard of "Womens' body" and ultimately it has become an obsession. Weight loss industry in India was valued between 60,000-70,000 crore rupees. So the beauty standard was restricted to a perfectly slim body, tall height etc.

Why we are all obsessed with FAIR skintone? 

Ans: India's fascination with fair skin is literally thousands of years old. The biggest move to monetising that obsession  came in 1978 , when Unilever introduced a a fairness cream - "Fair & Lovely".That opened the door of a new market of beauty products. Once again our film and television industry made a huge impact. The actors and actresses endorse brands of fairness products and everybody prefers to be light skinned. In the television commercials, magazines etc are bombarded with ads, telling us that if we're not fair skinned, we're basically gonna have a shitty, loveless and unsuccessful life.  

These obsessions are not new. After so many years I have realized this. get over the hypocrisy. Feel beautiful the way you are and say-

I am perfect!

I am Beautiful!

An unknown face and a same old story

She was a 20 years old girl who came to our house to work as a domestic helper. A dusky, skinny girl with beautiful long hair.Her deep black eyes were like dark night. One of the agencies sent her to my mom. The rate was fixed- 170/- Indian rupèes per day.
Though my mother wasn't happy at all with her work ability. She was an inefficient novice. She was some one who was really sweet and caring.
      She told my mother about her life. She was from a village of Bihar where the light of education and civilization didn't reach. Women are not allowed to go to school or even think themselves as a human being. They was born to please men and to give birth to a child. She got married in the age of 15 (Forcefully). Her parents got shifted to Bengal along with her two elder brothers.
The real story started from there. She was brutally tortured and bitten by her husband and in laws. She starved for so many days but no body cared. In this country there is no such word as "Marital rape"; So it is meaningless to discuss on that. What she has been through, only she could feel. After 1 year she gave birth to a girl child but nothing had changed.
One day she decided to escape to her parents' house along with her child. She escaped to Bengal from the village of Bihar. Here the situation was more pathetic.
She enlisted her name to some agencies which supply the caregivers to the different families. In her family ,there continued the same old story. Her brothers were brutally torturing her for coming back.
She was happy in our house despite of the scolding which she used to get from my mom due to her irresponsible work. She was just 20. I was wondering in the age of 20, I was worried about my career and studies and my grades but this girl was struggling for survival along with a baby. I liked her jovial nature and ever smiling face which was  quite inspiring. Even whenever I felt blue, she was the one who started preparing new dishes for me to make me smile. Whenever I used to back from  my work, she cared more than my mom. What I would eat! How to make me smile!
She always cared about that.
Most of the time I see her applying face pack made by the simple ingredients from the kitchen.
Yes!She was truly inspiring.
Yesterday when she went back home, she found her parents and brothers went somewhere by leaving her three years old daughter alone in the house. The child cried all day long.She didn't know what to do with her, hence she took her child to our house.
It brought tears into my eyes while writing it. She was standing outside of the door by holding her daughter's hand. My mother didn't allow her to enter into the house along with her daughter. It seemed that both of them were hungry since yesterday. I was listening everything from inside. I wasn't strong enough to witness such a cruel moment. She was someone who really used to care about me but in her tough time, I couldn't able to be with her. I was feeling like a loser and helpless.
She left by holding her little daughter's hand silently.
It has been just one month but don't know why it makes me feel so upset... It seems to be that a true friend has left me alone.
Actually this is the journey of life. Every human being is running and fighting for survival. Life is cruel, life is cool,life is sweet,life is bitter.
Life is all about keeping your hope alive. "One day everything will be alright." "One day we will find our destination". Nobody will stand with you except yourself.
I wish all the best for your new journey,my friend.