The standard of beauty!

My struggle to look "perfectly" beautiful started in the age of three.Since my childhood I never bothered about the way I look but few things were really annoying even for a child; such as - "We don't have dress for her size!", "Don't eat much!" "Do yoga!" "Do skipping!" etc.In the age of 10, I got specs. My mother was worried. That would ruin my "BEAUTY". My eyes would look small. In high school, my "crush" rejected me just because I was over weight! 

Then in the age of seventeen when I went to the college, the condition was even worse. You had to pass all the parameters of beauty to get included in the list of "Human being". Unfortunately they didn't include me. My merit wasn't a big issue. The biggest drawback was my "Imperfect" body. I wasn't a popular girl in college (Obviously). The major reason was the list of my admirer was ZERO. I never bothered. 

The condition was worst after few years when my parents decided to search for a "suitable" groom for me. Despite of so many attempts in Civil Service examination I faced failure and just like any other parents my parents also decided to hand over my burden on someone else who could  bear my expenses. I announced rebellion against them because I really wanted to search my real destination and my potential. Of course that was not "Marriage" at all. At least not for me. I didn't have any other way except sitting  back and enjoy. 

My mother forcefully opened a matrimonial account to search for a "potential" partner for me. I am  not mentioning the other criterias like "Caste" "Gaan", "Kul", "Gotra", "Kundali matching" etc  because our topic is something else. Mom didn't mention in the profile how the groom should look but she mentioned 

"Looking for a potential partner for a "Beautiful,"  "fair"  and "young" girl. "

 Groom's look didn't matter because "Boys are valuable diamonds" and my qualities were just to be "FAIR" "Beautiful" and "Young".After few months when she was highly disappointed, she started going through the news paper Sunday Matrimonial column. 

"Looking for a "FAIR", "BEAUTIFUL" , "SLIM", "TALL" " YOUNG", EDUCATED , "HOMELY" GIRL". Everyone's demand was the same. It didn't matter how the man looks like. He can be "DARK", "BALD", "FAT" whatever. The girl should look like a "Victortia's secrect model" who will stay inside the kitchen,cook for you and you can show her to the society and brag. Sometimes it felt like "Buying clothes", "Buying meat/fish". Everything has to be PERFECT! I remember one of the aspirant grooms showed me a picture of an actress and asked me to be like her. It was his condition before marriage. One of those told me to go for "Laser surgery" to look good without specs.  

Finally I got married after crossing the "SOCIAL MARRIAGEABLE AGE" (The certain age limit which our society fixed). I wasn't "Young" anymore. My husband wasn't bothered about my age, "Overweight" body, specs and the other flaws. Thank God I didn't have any "Admirer" in college otherwise how would I get this man! 

Jokes apart !  After marriage when I went to a function, one of the aunties teased me and humiliated.My make up was perfect, my dress was beautiful and everything else was just okay (According to me). She was continuously trying to make me feel how imperfect I am. "She will never be slim", "She is like a teddy bear", "Make up and good skin don't matter until you have a perfect body", "That day I met a model, she was the perfect example of "BEAUTY"- A diva with a perfect slim body!" OMG!

Even in many cases I have heard people telling-" His daughter in law is very ugly! She is dark like hell"; "Have you seen the nose of the bride? How small!" "Her daughter is so short like a dwarf"; Modelling agencies , film and television industry and photographers want a woman with a perfect body. If you can't match the "EUROPEAN STANDARD" of beauty, you are not at all beautiful!

Ladies and Gentlemen please give me a break! 

What is the "Definition of beauty?" 

How did India get so obsessed with thinness?

Ans:- Bollywood which has been primary cultural influencer for women's ideal body standards,grew steadily. In 50s' and 60s' actresses were appreciated for their facial beauty and they weren't obsessed with thinness.  Eventually the sexualised beauty ideals of the west and the global pop culture finally reached India after economic reforms in 1991.Foreign companies like Revlon, Lo'real etc created a huge impact on the standard of "Womens' body" and ultimately it has become an obsession. Weight loss industry in India was valued between 60,000-70,000 crore rupees. So the beauty standard was restricted to a perfectly slim body, tall height etc.

Why we are all obsessed with FAIR skintone? 

Ans: India's fascination with fair skin is literally thousands of years old. The biggest move to monetising that obsession  came in 1978 , when Unilever introduced a a fairness cream - "Fair & Lovely".That opened the door of a new market of beauty products. Once again our film and television industry made a huge impact. The actors and actresses endorse brands of fairness products and everybody prefers to be light skinned. In the television commercials, magazines etc are bombarded with ads, telling us that if we're not fair skinned, we're basically gonna have a shitty, loveless and unsuccessful life.  

These obsessions are not new. After so many years I have realized this. get over the hypocrisy. Feel beautiful the way you are and say-

I am perfect!

I am Beautiful!

An unknown face and a same old story

She was a 20 years old girl who came to our house to work as a domestic helper. A dusky, skinny girl with beautiful long hair.Her deep black eyes were like dark night. One of the agencies sent her to my mom. The rate was fixed- 170/- Indian rupèes per day.
Though my mother wasn't happy at all with her work ability. She was an inefficient novice. She was some one who was really sweet and caring.
      She told my mother about her life. She was from a village of Bihar where the light of education and civilization didn't reach. Women are not allowed to go to school or even think themselves as a human being. They was born to please men and to give birth to a child. She got married in the age of 15 (Forcefully). Her parents got shifted to Bengal along with her two elder brothers.
The real story started from there. She was brutally tortured and bitten by her husband and in laws. She starved for so many days but no body cared. In this country there is no such word as "Marital rape"; So it is meaningless to discuss on that. What she has been through, only she could feel. After 1 year she gave birth to a girl child but nothing had changed.
One day she decided to escape to her parents' house along with her child. She escaped to Bengal from the village of Bihar. Here the situation was more pathetic.
She enlisted her name to some agencies which supply the caregivers to the different families. In her family ,there continued the same old story. Her brothers were brutally torturing her for coming back.
She was happy in our house despite of the scolding which she used to get from my mom due to her irresponsible work. She was just 20. I was wondering in the age of 20, I was worried about my career and studies and my grades but this girl was struggling for survival along with a baby. I liked her jovial nature and ever smiling face which was  quite inspiring. Even whenever I felt blue, she was the one who started preparing new dishes for me to make me smile. Whenever I used to back from  my work, she cared more than my mom. What I would eat! How to make me smile!
She always cared about that.
Most of the time I see her applying face pack made by the simple ingredients from the kitchen.
Yes!She was truly inspiring.
Yesterday when she went back home, she found her parents and brothers went somewhere by leaving her three years old daughter alone in the house. The child cried all day long.She didn't know what to do with her, hence she took her child to our house.
It brought tears into my eyes while writing it. She was standing outside of the door by holding her daughter's hand. My mother didn't allow her to enter into the house along with her daughter. It seemed that both of them were hungry since yesterday. I was listening everything from inside. I wasn't strong enough to witness such a cruel moment. She was someone who really used to care about me but in her tough time, I couldn't able to be with her. I was feeling like a loser and helpless.
She left by holding her little daughter's hand silently.
It has been just one month but don't know why it makes me feel so upset... It seems to be that a true friend has left me alone.
Actually this is the journey of life. Every human being is running and fighting for survival. Life is cruel, life is cool,life is sweet,life is bitter.
Life is all about keeping your hope alive. "One day everything will be alright." "One day we will find our destination". Nobody will stand with you except yourself.
I wish all the best for your new journey,my friend.

Staying fit-The story of my journey.

"The fat girl"; "Eat less", "You should do yoga", "You should walk about 10kms a day"; etc etc. Even in college I didn't have any boyfriend or even an admirer. Well, that is not an issue. The main factor is staying healthy and fit.
There are people who come to you to give numerous weight loss advices as if they are absolutely perfect. That is also not an issue. In the age of 18, my doctor told me that I had PCOD/PCOS(Polycystic ovarian disease) and I have to get married at any cost to get rid of this disease."You have high risk of diabetes"-They told that too. That was insane. According to the gynaecologists,there should be just one aim of anyone's life and that is - "Reproduction". God sent you here on the earth to produce child only.
Another thing what they said,- "Loose weight". That's it! They didn't tell me how! That time internet was not developed enough to get the "Real information" about the disease or the related weight loss regime.
The diet of a PCOD patient and the other overweight people are not the same.
After so many years I started following the proper diet plan. Thanks to Internet.
Despite of all the efforts I was unable to achieve my target. I increased my effort but the result was not satisfactory.
I searched internet once again and found new information. Why I was not able to loose weight and the reason was Cortisol hormone which caused by stress. Yeah the stress level is too high in this busy life. My other hormones were normal including thyroid. Even before my marraige when I went for check up, doctor said that I was absolutely fine and fit to get married.  Controlling the stress level is the biggest challenge and getting a desirable body as well as staying healthy and fit is more important.

Most of all - your body needs rest.I was working too much hard like strength training,cardio, walking etc. Beside that I have a damn hectic job schedule. My body was shouting- "Give me some rest!" What I realised that sometimes taking rest is not a bad idea.


The diet plan.
I prefer to drink two glasses of water in the empty stomach. Then I drink aloe Vera Juice.
Before going to work(Near about 7:05a.m) I prefer to drink protein shake.
At 9:30 I take two egg whites and 4 almonds/ oats.
At 11 o'clock I take an apple.
In lunch I take mixed vegetables including carrots,beans,bell peppers etc. Along with that I take chicken breast (100gms) and salad.
I take green tea thrice a day.
For the evening snack, I prefer to take muesli.
After that I go to gym.
In dinner,I prefer a bowl of fruits like papaya or pinapple or sometimes smoothie or soup.

If you are a PCOD patient,then try to avoid milk products, fruits like cucumber,refined sugar, refined flour, alcohol,potato etc.
This is my new weight loss regime which I have started to follow from the last week. It is suitable for my lifestyle and daily routine.
The most important thing is to be stress-free.
So let's start....

Where I belong!

The place where I belong,

the roads,trees and the shrubs

 know my name. 

Where the old park bench calls me to sit,

Where the birds sing beautiful songs. 

Years've gone by and I remain the same.

The people once who were there bedside me,
I unable to find 'cause everything is different,everything is changed.

The lonely riverside plays a melancholic tune.

What you have lost or what you have gained- you blame your fortune.

The time will fly and I will see,

the new face beside me.

We'll share all our thoughts.

We'll laugh,

We'll cry,

We'll talk.

One day when the face will disappear,

I will be sitting right over there;

The riverside will play a new tune.

That day there will be no regret for anything;

I'll be looking at the sky,see the stars

Under the light of the beautiful Moon.

The "Perfect" mismatch.

Four years ago after watching my cousin's wedding video,I took a decision that it was a high time to join the gym. Since childhood I have been trying to loose weight or to be skinny. I prayed a lot to the Supreme soul but my prayer was never answered by him rather he said- "I am sorry!" Jokes apart I finally joined the gym.
Day one: A lot of women were trying to get  rid of their excess body fat caused by junk food ,high carb diet, busy and indisciplined lifestyle. It was confusing to me. What to do and what not. Suddenly our trainer shouted-"Get ready for aerobics".

Then the door was opened and she entered. She was the one overthere who had a perfect toned body. She was wearing a pink t-shirt and a hot pant. She seemed to be snobbish and had a great attitude. It seemed like she was -"Poo from the movie Kabhi Khushi Kabhi gum". The aerobics class was started and after 3-4steps, I was about to die but she was unstoppable and it was quite  apparent that she was one of the fittest members of the gym. I was feeling really ashamed of myself that couldn't complete all the steps of aerobics. On the next day I couldn't able to get up due to bodyache.
Within a very few days I made friendship with the other women over there except her. She didn't used to talk much with anyone. I thought that she had some kinda attitude problem. It was our "Judgemental nature" and we can't help it. She used to dance with the music of "Race2"- "Mujhe to Teri latt laggayi". She was an amazing dancer and a gym freak.

After couple of years I took a drastic step to get rid of my pain. I had been through a tough time when I lost my way. I injured myself badly. Everyone at the gym was worried and confused. I saw her
 in the corner where she was standing quitely.She was extremely upset and for the first time she uttered - "Why have you done this?" That day I realised that she didn't have any attitude problem,she was an introvert. From that day we started talking to each other. I can't say that we became best friends.

She was the showstopper of gym function when she made a tattoo on her fully toned ab. She was the centre of attraction of all the programs.

Before my wedding I planned for a dance party. Noone was enthusiastic enough to perform on the stage. Everyone surrendered. Then I asked her whether she was interested to perform or not.She was so enthusiastic that she immediately came to my house and started practising. She made my special day,the wedding eve more special.

From that day the journey of trust and friendship started. She was the partner of my each and every madness. She made my every special occasion, more special. There was a huge age gap between us.Our dreams were different,our life , choices, passion,talent , problems of life as well as the secrets though we are best friends. There were many reasons for that,- We don't ask too many personal questions to each other; We don't judge each other; We support, care and most of all we trust each other.
She was the one from whom I have learned that -"I am the best and nobody is better than me". Whenever I loose my confidence,I always remember the lines. She is a strong and brave girl who struggles and survives like a worrier under all the circumstances.

Friendship doesn't require people with same wavelengths or age or choices etc.

Friendship is something which is different than any other relationship in the world.
We are a complete mismatch- A perfect mismatch.

The story of a "Mother-teacher".

Year 2013 unexpectedly I got another sudstitution class along with my regular classes.The child came to that class-LKG C. He was special.His disabilities were the reason of his hyperactive behaviour and anger.Everyday the other children of the class and their parents used to come with several complaints against him."He has hurt my child"... "He has bitten me" and many more. He was wild,helpless,short tempered & confused. He never bothered about the others. Every child was learning in the class. He didn't bother. I remember how he used to escape from the class and play hide and seek with me. The untamed child became a friend of mine. Then a new teacher came and I handed over the substitution class to her.The friendship remained the same. The life of a mother- teacher is quite challenging. You can't get rid of your worries. Every time I heard about him,-"He can't"... "He is not normal"... "He is good for nothing"..."He is mad"... In 2015 he came back again to me in class 1. He started writing. His handwriting was bad. His work was untidy. He could copy but couldn't write sentences or even words. He went to the next class but the same feedback I got from all the teachers."He can't" ... "He is crazy".."He doesn't listen or even takes out his books and copies"... People used to mock at him as if he is not a human being or some alien. Everyone gave the verdict- He needs a special school. He was in class 2 and I  was so busy with the children of my class that couldn't notice that every day he used peep into my class to see me.
His mother took a tough decision to bring him back to class1 once again. She had faith in me but I wasn't confident enough to assure his improvement.May be like everyone I also misunderstood him. In 2017 he came back to my class again. I discovered his real problem of not following the classroomrules. It was his lack of confidence. He became calm , extremely quite and passive. From 2013 to 2017- His behaviour was changed drastically. I was adamant this time to prove him as normal as the other children of the school. I started work on him. He started writing words and sentences without my help. After each and every instruction,he used to come to me and say- "I can't" but I said-"you can"... And his journey started.

He started working by himself,he perticipated in several cultural programs of the school and at the end of the session, he got his report card. From D grade to B1 in English and Mathematics.A2 in EVS.
I used to scold him like a mother. Sometimes by mistake he used to call me- "Mumma". He told me- "I want to be a scientist". Yes you can. I will be waiting for the day.
All the very best to you.

The life of a "Mother-teacher" is not easy. She doesn't get a trophy for her achievement. Her achievement is in the improvement of her children.

It is so simple to call someone"Good for nothing"but ask a simple question to youself- "Why he is 'Good for nothing'?"Give a try. You will only feel the satisfaction to see the improvement of that "Good for nothing"children or I should call-"The need support" children. 

The way you make me feel..

"I wonder how would be my life without you.... 

Who would make me feel special the way you to...

The beautiful journey will never end.
Be with me till my last breath...."

Saptarshi Ghosh is someone who helped me a lot to break so many stereotypes of the society. Such as -There is a fixed age for marriage; The groom should be older than the bride;Age gap creates a lot of problems in married life; Distance relationship ruins everything;You loose trust in your partner,it creates misunderstanding etc. Before he came to my life,I used to hear a lot of things like -"You are crossing the age for marriage","When you'll have kids?"etc etc.These are all very common questions to ask to an "Unmarried" woman in her 30s'. It is a crime to be unmarried in that age. Trust me, I never planned my life like that way.  I never wanted to be in any boundary. He changed my view. He came to my life when I needed him the most. We suffered a lot since the time we met though we are standing strong. I never feel encaged with him in fact he inspires me to dream. He is my best friend for life with whom I can fight, share,cry ,laugh,have fun. I feel confident with him. Despite of so many hurdles I love his presence in my life.

Together forever....

Let's celebrate Women's day with a broad mind.

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To ,

The ladies of society,people of the society,

A humble request to you....

Please let us live...

Please let us breath.

Dear ladies,

Womens' day just around the corner. After few days there will be so many posts related to women and womanhood etc...My post is not to hurt anyone or may be am wrong but whatever I feel is, most of the time in everyday life, am attacked by the women only... Such as- teasing, hating, mocking, discouraging, blaming, backstabbing, over curiosity etc...Why always blaming men?Even I feel comfortable discussing my problems with my dad and husband only... Am not telling that men are flawless but "Dear women" please be affectionate towards the other women in their crisis.. If a woman s not supporting another woman then how you can expect that this country will be safe for us?

Neighbourhood aunties, our female in laws and relatives are more dangerous than the uncles for sure. Our female friends are too much over curious about our personal life or the disasters of our life.

My dear mothers do not let your daughters to quit schools or colleges;

Please do not support the early marriage of your daughter as because she has become a burden to you.

Dear ladies please do not say - "Her clothes are inviting attention.She is a slut.." when guys tease a girl wearing short skirts or crop top. Shout out loud at that time.

Dear ladies let women work outside peacefully.

Dear ladies please do not blame the woman only for her divorce. May be she is guilty but before knowing the real story please do not blame or judge anybody.Either the man or the woman. It is their personal life.

Dear ladies, a woman's life style can be different than yours. May be she doesn't want a typical life style.May be she doesn't wanna marry or have kids. It doesn't make the person an "Alien"...

Dear ladies, if somebody is in a distance relationship, please do not ask her questions like-"What about your sex life?" May be that is soooooooooooo personal to ask....

Dear ladies stop hating a widow. Stop calling her unlucky. Mr. Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar in 20th century proved this wrong and we are living in 21st century. Her husband is dead but can you feel that she is dying everyday and every moment?

Dear ladies stop hating a lady who is unable to be a mother. Stop calling her in different nasty names.

Dear ladies, stop envying the woman who is more fashionable than you as well as stop calling someone a "Bahenji" who wears non branded Indian clothes.

Dear ladies stop blaming a rape or acid attack victim for the consequence. Do not stop the victim to report to the police station.Support her in each and every single step.

Please be a little bit sensible. Please be a little bit affectionate.

Wishing you a very happy Womens' Day.

Yours faithfully

Another woman

1. (Content courtesy: Munmun Talukdar.

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